>Born in 93
>Younger of 2 siblings in loving middle class family
>Normal happy childhood
>Agnostic mother; atheist father
>Love to draw
>Mom (nurse) has stroke when I’m 11 from trying to lift morbidly obese patient
>Barely survives surgery
>Permanent brain damage resulting in little damage to her cognition, but total loss of impulse control
>Starts doing every kind of drug, stops eating
>Homelife becomes a nightmare
>Mom loses weight, bottoming out at 90lb, starts talking about killing herself constantly
>Dad has to quit new job to pick back up at his old one (lots of travel; I’m left at home with mentally deranged mom + abusive older sibling)
>Escape into my art
>Flash forward 7 years, both parents are separated after both cheating on each other
>Still love them both after everything
>Show Mom drawing of picture I had been working really hard at ; she starts crying and tells me to never give up, shows off drawing to every family member, talks about it every time I see her
>2 years later, Mom passes away from a whole panoply of causes (I’m 20)
>see it happen, see her take her last breath knowing that was it
>Devastated
>Continue working on art, focus everything on it
>Go to art school next year; drop out after 2 years because it’s art school (full of “activists,” useless degree, admin keeps lying about scholarship stuff/raising tuition)
>Work throughout my 20’s, supporting myself while working on art
>31 now, lost most of my friends, cut off contact with sibling
>No followers online, can’t make money (duh)
>Found God through the process of creating my art, so that’s a plus
>Otherwise, I guess I just suck at art because I'm a total failure
>Was already in the midst of yet another depressive episode recently
>David Lynch died
I think I wanna give up. Really want to die desu but can’t because it would fuck over too many people. Thinking about converting to Catholicism or Orthodoxy to eventually become a monk.
How do I make sense out of any of this?

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>Born in 93>Younger of 2 siblings in loving middle class family>Normal happy childhood>Agnostic mother; atheist…

>Born in 93
>Younger of 2 siblings in loving middle class family
>Normal happy childhood
>Agnostic mother; atheist…