>>60568411
>>60568465
>be me
>quantum schizo finance monk
>portfolio consists of $8.11, 3 Dogecoin, and delusion
>hear about “outcome options” on Robinhood
>modern day Roman coliseum gambling but for onions-fed peasants
>see Joey Chestnut contracts at $0.91
>“highest EV bet of all time” they say
>bro is the Michael Jordan of masticating
>hasn't chewed food recreationally since 2002
>he inhales nitrates like he’s trying to become the final boss of colorectal cancer
>enter LJ9o5bQa
>“I don’t like when 80% of the public is on one side”
>oh? are you shorting gravity too? fighting entropy with vibes?
>congrats on thinking you’re the main character in *Moneyball: The Gastric Edition*
>“Chestnut is old now”
>bro is 40, not 400
>man eats time for breakfast
>jaws reinforced with tungsten
>stomach operates under alien physics
>you think this is about youth? this is about destiny
>“not easy money”
>correct, it is sacred money
>this isn’t investing, it’s faith-based ingestion theology
>Chestnut is a ritual. A national sacrifice of meat tubes to the gods of degeneracy
>July 4th is not a date, it’s a summoning
>you think he’s declining?
>he’s been microdosing sauerkraut and lightning
>trained in the Himalayas under Tibetan monks who only eat fog
>market collapses? economy burns? don’t care
>my Chestnut calls are the ark
>when fiat dies, we trade in processed meat and shame
>I will be rich in sodium and glory
>bet everything
>get banned from 7-11 for trying to “train”
>vomit in a parking lot like a patriot
>Chestnut steps on stage
>wind stills
>crowd silent
>he nods once
>time dilates
>he becomes the wurst god
>mfw I earn $1.09
>mfw it's the proudest dollar I’ve ever made
>mfw America

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>world record holder in all food categories>highest hot dog record at 76 hot dogs >at the top of his game>nearest competitor…

>world record holder in all food categories
>highest hot dog record at 76 hot dogs
>at the top of his game
>nearest competitor…