>>42194747
>I wish I was schizophrenic so I could hallucinate about ponies all the time
No you don't, tulpas are self-made schizophrenia born out of the emotion you have at the moment. You'll ruin yourself and your wife further if you try this now.
Pick up a pen and draw, write your own self-fulfillment story, exercise if you're into that just do something that gets you out of this miserable routine you're currently in.
And throw away the concept of being "satisfied" and just be content to surround yourself with the ponies that make you happy, or else you'll spiral until you kill yourself.

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I’m such a degenerate loser for this, but I guess there’s nothing I can really do. All I do is fantasize about having a pony by my side. It’s so…