COMFORT PACKAGE (FLY COMFY!)
>water bottle service only $9.99 (refills extra)
>one complimentary lavatory token per flight NOTE: PEE ONLY! Poop upgrade with toilet paper service is $4.99 extra! Passengers caught pooping will cause immediate flight diversion and will be detained upon landing!
>tray table upgrade $14.99
>seat back pocket upgrade $4.99
>arm rest upgrade $7.49 per rest
>under seat space upgrade for carry on item stowage (if unpaid the door will not open for storage) $24.99
>airline sanctioned N-95 mask (mandatory) $24.99 + $9.99 disposal fee

BOOK IT ALL TOGETHER NOW AND PAY THE DISCOUNTED RATE OF ONLY $94.95 (THATS A FREE POO-PASS)

LUXURY PACKAGE (ARRIVE IN STYLE!)
>blanket service $99.95
>pillow service $49.95
>alcoholic drink service (Cobra brand luxury malt liquor) $124.99
>food service (choice of pretzels or Cheez Its) $49.99
>overhead storage $149.99
>headphone rental $99.99
>wifi service $1.99/mb data used

Please do not remove your N-95 mask during flight. Removal of the mask will result in immediate diversion of the flight and detainment upon landing. Remember - if you de-mask, we will catch you via the in seat camera. If you poo, we will smell your butt upon exiting the restroom and the air marshal will store you in the cargo bay.

Thank you for flying Spirit Airlines, and please have a great time fucking yourself on our new ass-rape seat!

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I heard you wanted cheaper flights.Are you happy now?ahahahahahahaha

I heard you wanted cheaper flights.
Are you happy now?
ahahahahahahaha