>be me, Forrest Gump
>mama always said life was like a box of altcoins
>"you never know which one’s gonna rug pull you, Forrest"

>2010: accidentally invest $10,000 in Bitcoin because some guy on /biz/ said it was "like money but for nerds"
>forget password to wallet
>mama called that one "a life lesson"

>2014: start a "simple shrimp boat business"
>some dude named Tai Lopez buys all my shrimp, says he’s gonna "drop ship them to high-ticket clients"
>next thing I know, I’m in a YouTube ad: *"This 72 IQ Man Made 8 Million Dollars Selling Crustaceans-Here's How!

>2016: get really into politics
>post "I just like smiling guys, the ones who don’t yell" on Facebook
>wake up to 500,000 notifications
>trending on Twitter as #BasedForrest
>some blue-haired journo calls me a "fascist shrimp tycoon"
>delete account

>2018: Jenny hits me up after 15 years
>she’s a "wellness influencer" now
>sells me $800 worth of detox tea
>I shit myself in a Walmart parking lot
>she blocks me

>2020: pandemic hits
>mama always said "stupid is as stupid doesn’t get tested"
>go to CVS for a "little cough"
>end up on CNN as "Florida Man Licks Entire Pharmacy Shelf to Own the Libs"
>Jenny’s ex-boyfriend tweets about me

>2022: try to run across America again
>make it 12 miles before someone swerves to hit me "for the TikTok"
>wake up in hospital
>doctor says I have "main character syndrome"
>bill is $250,000
>pay in Dogecoin

>2024: Little Forrest turns 18
>he calls me a "boomer" and starts a OnlyFans to "reclaim the Gump family legacy"
>it’s just close-ups of his feet
>top 0.1% in a week
>mama was right, life really is like a box of chocolates
>except all the chocolates are CBD gummies and none of them do anything

>tfw you never actually escape the 2010s
>just like Lt. Dan never escaped the war
>but at least he got Google stock

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>be me, Forrest Gump>mama always said life was like a box of altcoins>"you never know which one’s gonna rug pull you,…

>be me, Forrest Gump
>mama always said life was like a box of altcoins
>"you never know which one’s gonna rug pull you,…